COPING WITH 'FLASHBACKS'.

Most of us Women of Worth (WOW!s) find that sooner or later we begin to experience flashbacks. A flashback is when an old memory suddenly 'flashes' across our minds and then just as suddenly goes away again. I still have frequent flashback experiences, and they can be quite confronting, because they contain extremely powerful emotions as well as a tiny glimpse of memory.

Today I had one which nearly blew me away. I was at my mother's home, and she started talking about how I behaved when I was alittle girl. She asked me if I would like a chocolate, and I declined (as I always do). Then she said, "Oh, Julie-Anne, I should know you never eat sweets. Even as a tiny little girl you hated any type of candy. You would ask me to read a little piece from my Bible rather than get a candy for a reward".

Then suddenly I had a flashback!! I have never remembered this before, but suddenly I could see the five year old little girl, standing terrified in a corner in the house, with my father standing over me. The fear that shook my body with that flashback was just enormous! I was absolutely terrified.

Later that evening I 'unpacked' that flashback again. I replayed it in my head over and over, and gradually more and more of this experience became clear to me. I DID hate candies, chocolates and sweet treat of all kinds!! Oh, yes. I remember now that my father used to trap me, and offer me a candy. Then just as I would reach for it, it was only an offer if he received something in return.

"That's only fair", he would say.

In return for the candy treat, I had to stroke him in a part of his body until he was 'a happy boy'! Once I made him happy, he would make ME happy by giving me the sweet.

Now I know why I have NEVER liked sweets - not chocolates, or licorice, popcorn, fudge, honeycomb - you name it, I WILL NOT accept even one.

It reminds me how manipulative adults can become. We all can demand something in a payback type of way. I am so relieved to know that God does not treat me like this. God is Someone who will give good gifts expecting nothing in return. God just keeps on giving - a new sunrise, a rose, an ocean beach to explore. God has good gifts all around me. I just need to receive them. They are always freely given with no hidden personal agenda.

How blessed am I to have this wonderful knowledge to help me overcome the bad flashback memory of my dad.

(c). 2004. Julie-Anne Wingate.
Women Of Worth: http://womenofworth.blogspot.com/.

Do you have a story to share of how you bravely face flashbacks? If you do, please contact me at: j_anwin@yahoo.com. or leave a comment below. I'm looking forwrd to hearing from you.